On the Desire to Be Known
What mothers can teach us about being known, nurtured, and loved without condition. Plus, 40% off coaching sessions for mothers through May. (Book for yourself or a mother you admire and love.)
In honor of Mother’s Day (incidentally, I’ll do the same for Father’s Day), I’d like to dedicate this post to how our mother informs our desire to be known, nurtured, and loved without condition, and how it is this kind of love that allows life to grow and flourish.
No one knows us like our mother – that person who carried us in her womb, delivered us, nursed us to life, fed us, bathed us, dressed us, and looked after us until we knew how to look after ourselves. Granted, this was not the case for everyone. Some were delivered from their mother’s womb and swiftly handed off to someone else; others were raised by mothers who were not able to nurture them in the way they were meant to. We’d also be remiss to overlook the essential role fathers play in caring for their young. That said, a quick point of clarification before we continue:
The type of child rearing I’ve referenced above speaks to a more traditional, instinctual way of living and raising children, where the mother does much of the nurturing. I am not implying that fathers do not, cannot or should not play a part as a nurturer. However, it is my humble view that aspects of the feminist movement, such as striving to create equality between women and men, while perhaps well-intended, have done a grave disservice to both genders and society. The result is square pegs in round holes – putting females and males in roles that go against their nature; that undermine the unique, important differences that women and men – mothers and fathers – bring to the table. I look forward to discussing what fathers bring to the table in June’s newsletter. But for today, let’s talk about what mothers bring to the table.
Mothers can teach us a great deal about what it means to be fully known and loved. Regardless of whether we were taken from our biological mother after birth or were not nurtured by our mother in the ways she was meant to nurture us after birth, we subconsciously hold the memory of residing in her womb. This is perhaps the most important memory of our lives, as it creates the innate knowing that a love exists where we are completely safe, secure, and protected – where our needs are met without condition; where our burden is known and carried (in the womb, our ‘burden’ is literally carried by our mother); where we are in total union with another. This bond imprints us so deeply that throughout our lives we are always striving to find our way back to it – to recreating such knowing, such nurturance, such connection, such unconditional love.
For many, our mother’s unconditional love continued beyond our birth. For others, our mother’s love wavered after our birth. Perhaps she was not ready, or perhaps she did not know how to nurture us in the way we needed to be nurtured. Whatever the reason, we can choose to shift our focus from any feelings of pain, hostility, or resentment, to a focus on gratitude for how our mother’s carrying us, even if just for nine months, bestowed upon us the innate knowing that it is possible to be totally known, safe, secure, and protected in relationship; that it is possible to be in complete connection and union with another.
This is the greatest gift anyone can give us, as it is the gift of experiencing a love so powerful that it informs the rest of our lives as we are impelled to find and create it again.
In honor of the life-knowing, life-nurturing, unconditional love mothers give, I’m offering 40% off coaching sessions for mothers through May. You can book as a mother yourself or for a mother in your life, whether that be the mother of your children, your own mother, or a mother you admire.
Reach out to me today and we’ll get things squared away uniquely for you or the mother you love and cherish so deeply.
With love,
Samantha
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