Introducing Congruence Coaching
Dear Community,
It’s been a while. Since the last Love Summit in 2017, I’ve been expanding my education and research on love. These learnings and experiences have culminated in an enhanced vision for Just Choose Love, as well as new offerings, including Congruence Coaching. Today, I’d like to share with you what congruence is, why it’s important, and how it sets the foundation for greater love in our lives.
What Congruence is and Why it Should Matter to You
The last few years, I’ve spent a significant amount of time researching what it means to experience congruence in life’s three key relationships — our relationship with our work, our relationship with others, and our relationship with ourselves. This stemmed from a lack of alignment I’d been feeling in my own life, and noticing that I was not alone. When I’d talk with people, I’d typically find that at least one of their three key life relationships was off, and because these relationships are so vital and interdependent, one being off would tend to throw everything off. I started to think of the three key life relationships like pillars of a house — if one pillar is broken, the whole house could be out of kilter, even if you can’t tell from the outside.
Late psychologist Carl Rogers defined incongruence as ‘a lack of alignment between the real self and the ideal self’; it is when who we are deep down or desire to become (i.e., our true self or highest self) is at odds with reality, as if we are wearing a mask. Not only does this facade cause us to suffer, it also creates barriers to love. This is because, when we are not being true to ourselves, it is less likely we will be surrounded by people and environments that are congruent with who we are and desire to become — that make us feel alive, that ignite the flame of passion within us, and that support the ultimate vision we have for our lives. It is also less likely we will be engaged in work that is truly meaningful and integrous with our values. Living this kind of reality can result in an empty feeling — a void, a sense of dissatisfaction and disconnection, and a lessened experience of love in our lives.
How to Move from Incongruence to Congruence
Congruence is what sets us up to experience more love and connection, and compassion is the mechanism for understanding what it is we need to live more congruent lives. In Congruence Coaching, we use both dialogue and compassion techniques to uncover incongruences in the client’s key three relationships, and to begin alleviating the suffering those incongruences have led to. The understanding, practice, and experience of compassion is essential, as it is only through self-compassion that we are able to see and honor our deepest needs and desires.
While the conversational component of any coaching or therapy session is critical to intellectual understanding, it is the felt experience that assures us, even if just for a moment, that there is a different way of being. Ultimately, it is this felt experience that instills in us the courage to make the changes we so desperately desire to make in our lives, even if our desperation for change was previously unconscious/not realized.
Knowing if Congruence Coaching is Right for You
A house can look beautiful from the outside, while inside chaos is wreaking havoc. Perhaps no one sees your suffering. Perhaps you’re good at putting on a front, but torn internally. Or perhaps you're denying any suffering altogether, telling yourself things like: ‘my sense of disharmony is unjustified; I should be grateful, I have it better than a lot of people’, or ‘anyone who thinks they can live a completely congruent life has their head in the clouds — they’re unrealistic.’
But living with an ongoing sense of disharmony, dissatisfaction, and disconnection is no way to live and it is no way to love. Living a completely congruent life is not unrealistic. On the contrary, it is the most practical way to live as it is what fortifies and stabilizes us to bear the inevitable trials and tribulations of life with equanimity, conviction, and courage.
If you’ve been finding yourself in a state of discontent and confusion around any of your three key life relationships, it would be a privilege to assist you in uncovering your path out of what’s plaguing you — to help you see and honor your deepest needs and desires so that you can experience greater alignment, connection, and love.
You have the answers. As your coach, I’m simply here to help you see them, guide you towards them, and instill in you the courage to make the changes needed for moving past what’s holding you back from who you really are and what you truly desire for your life.
Book a free 30-minute initial consultation with me today.
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